


On The Edge, But I Still Love You

by TOCAD



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Concussions, Depression, Gen, Philadelphia Flyers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 17:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/751030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TOCAD/pseuds/TOCAD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought the headaches would be the worst of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Edge, But I Still Love You

He thought the headaches would be the worst. The almost constant pain of inflamed brain tissue pounding on his skull; it sounds unbearable, but in all honesty, it's the least of his concern.

He's seen it before, been in the league long enough to have seen careers ended by the same thing plaguing him now. Friends, brothers, enemies. He would honestly never wish this on anyone with a soul, no matter how much he hated them.

He can't think properly, it's like there's plastic wrap or insulation surrounding his brain, blocking his thoughts and it drives him crazy. Despite what people may think, Chris Pronger is a thinker. He thinks constantly and it keeps him calm, keeps him sane. Not being able to think is near hell and he can't take it.

It wasn't too bad when he thought it would only last a couple days, maybe a week, and then things would be fine. It's going on months now, and almost every morning, every night, he feels the tears of doubt sting his eyes. He muffled his weeps when they first came along, but it was only matter of time before Lauren or the kids noticed.

He was careening on a fine edge and he knew it was only getting worse. The anger building up, the pain and frustration from feeling like he's inches from death every time he turns his head a little too fast. Bruises on his arms, shoulders, and legs from every time he could walk straight and ran into something.

Chris knows he's gone too far when Lilah leaves her soccer bag at the door, almost tripping him and he curses at her. He's not a man of excellent temper, but he hardly resorts to anger or cursing towards his kids.

When Lilah's innocent face turns to a frightened cry, Chris' heart breaks. He kneels down and kisses her cheek, trying to kiss it all better. "It's okay, honey. I didn't mean it," he promises to his little girl. "Daddy's not feeling well, baby. I'm going to need you and your brothers to take care of Mommy for me while I go and get better, okay?" he asks. He knows she's too young to understand, but he needs to say it.

Her eyes stare up at him, trusting him fully and she nods her head. "When will you be home?"

Chris bites his lip to stop himself from crying for the second time of the day. "I don't know, Sweetie. As soon as I can, okay? Tell mama I love her. Jack and George, too. Every day, okay, baby? I love you all so much," he says, giving his daughter a kiss. He sends her upstairs to wake up her mother for breakfast and then he leaves.


End file.
